This is probably going to be the most serious blog I do here, so I’m sorry if you don’t enjoy it. I promise they won’t all be like this, but the main reason I wanted to be anonymous was so I could talk about these problems. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone else about this and I just want someone to listen.
Lets start at the beginning.
When I was around 7 years old I started to realise a member of my family was different. Not like most people. I don’t know quite when, but I found out it was obsessive compulsive disorder. I didn’t treat them any different as I didn’t know what it meant.
When I was 8 years old I started this ‘routine’ thing where every night I would have to do a certain amount of things or ‘something bad would happen’. When I was 9 it got really bad. I had to say ‘night night’ over 14times! Although it got better it never has stopped.
Around when I was 11 we went on a school trip to a place very far away for a week. Everything was fine I wasn’t worried as I was always excited when going away. However on the first night I got a bad migraine. I thought I was going to vomit. I then started REALLY missing home. I had NEVER got homesick before. Since then I have always been so so worried about going away and it has been many years later. It has definitely made me not do many things I would have loved.
When I started senior school I started getting a bit anxious which is normal for moving to senior school. I was actually worried I had got ocd because of the ‘routine’. I could never tell anyone so I made a huge mistake. I went to the school councillor. It was bad because it didn’t help anything. But also my parents found out and they were upset I couldn’t talk to them so I stopped going.
Recently though it got a lot worse. I was told I had to spend a week in Spain with school. One night about a week before going I sat with my mum and had a really big panic. I don’t know what it was only that I couldn’t breath and couldn’t think. Luckily when I went to Spain my favourite teacher in the world was there. She understood and helped me through it. I did have a few panicky moments but nothing major. I could never have done it without her.
I thought everything was getting better. But then I fell ill. I don’t really know what it was but they think it was gastritis which turned into severe constipation. Because of it I didn’t go to school 4 weeks straight. I was freaking out about school work. Then one day my mum got a call I had to go in and talk to the nurse. I then had another huge panic. Just the thought of going back and seeing everyone. I was screaming but I was shoved into a car. I then went in on the last day before Christmas holidays. It was really really hard but as it was the last day everyone was distracted. Now school is approaching I am so anxious. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
I’m sorry if I’m making a big deal of nothing. I will probably take this post down to, maybe the blog.
AGirlsBlog out. xx